Thursday, May 16, 2013

the Rant - Please Stop the Dumbing Down of Americans. News doesn't always happen under 140 Characters.

Life & News doesn't always happen under 140 Characters.

Here we have an example of the Long Island Local News Channels news break from Facebook & Twitter.

BREAKING NEWS: President Obama is meeting with Turkey's Prime Minister. Obama is expected to address the widening IRS scandal. 

Will Obama be in a meeting with the Turkish Prime Minster talking about the IRS scandal ?? Which IRS scandal ?? Can we have the address of the meeting too ?? 
Is it here on Long Island ?? What would Long Islanders think about this ??

Here is how this article should read from this combined News Break.

Long Island, New York : Today U.S. President Barack Obama meets with Turkey's Prime Minister Tom Butterball to discuss the ever widening growth in taxation of breast implants. We have unconfirmed reports on the actual location of today's meeting though. This scandal has reached humongous proportions in the Exotic dancer community. 

Desiree LaMonica, author of "Diary of a PISSED OFF Stripper" and an employee of a local Long Island establishment was quoted saying "This taxation with implantation has gotta stop. It has effected my income and personal livelyhood." 

When interviewing Scarlett Lipshitz another local, who works as a pole shiner at another well known un-named Long Island establishment, asked "Do you know how many lap dances I have to give those Turkey's to get an upgrade on these babies ?" while she squeezed together her surgically augmented breastsesess. 

"What a revolting development this is .." Bubbles Washington was heard saying. She has been the self proclaimed "Stripper Queen of Hempstead" of recent years. 

Bubbles continued to comment "We need to start tossing these implants into Freeport Harbor like our foremother's would have done back in da' Revolutionary days if they was dancin' fo' dolla's back then !!"

Legend (wait for it) ary NYC Exotic Dance Club Patron Barney Stinson was quoted saying "I don't know much about the Turkish people, but I know where I will be on Thanksgiving Eve this year. AWESOME !!" 

So .. there's the news as I see it .. 

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